The road to hell is so well-paved...

I tend to sugarcoat my words with these rather lovely intentions that rarely make an appearance in my actions. I love the sound of being fit and healthy and bidding a final farewell to my cushy muffin top - eating well and exercising is, of course, the way to go as they say. I fancy the idea of being an artist and painting like I used to - everyone should have a creative outlet. I always claim to love the great outdoors and its relative list of activities - wouldn't it be nice to be described as the "active type" that goes and does breathtaking hikes and leisurely canoe trips? I also would like to be able to classify myself as one of those people who just always seem to know who the best underground bands are. I've also described myself as a writer and list it as my ideal job...but I don't write.

Why do I like the idea of things far more than the physical action?

I just don't seem to have much gumption, grit, or motivation.  I choose junk food and avoiding the gym, never picking up a paint brush, staying inside, and KISS FM. Why do I never do the things I say I want to do? I always have a reason not to...no time, no energy, not in the mood, the weather...the sky is blue today...whatever.

So where do intentions and actions miss each other? Why do I put myself in this box of what my life looks like every freaking day, where complaints and excuses take the place of substantive progress? I'm in a place right now where I'm figuring out what I actually value, and what just has a nice ring to it for me. I think there's a difference between intentions and RESOLVE...I think the latter has a determination that translates into figuring out what needs to be done differently so that change actually happens. As a Christian and someone who is learning to live by the Spirit and by faith, rather than my own lazy and selfish desires, I'm trying to understand what it looks like to act on His strength rather than my own. Because, looking at my track record, I pretty much fail at change. My day is paved with idealized intentions that never actualize or take me anywhere.

I've learned this much so far: just worry about changing this current moment. I can't even handle the idea of will-powering through a whole day. So I'm just taking it hour by hour, and asking God what the best thing is that I can be doing with that time. He's been doing this sumo wrestler tap dance on my heart to write, so I'm GOING to write. I just will, no excuses. He has only given me one body, His "temple" as He calls it in Scripture, so I have to figure out how to get myself to the gym and NOT buy the fried delicious Mighty Cone I had today...plus it's a way to honor my husband.

So I'll start there. Writing, gyming. It's going to happen.